Well I weighed in this morning after I found an unwanted monthly visitor... can we say BLOATED (I hope). SO I weighed myself on old scale hoping it would make me feel better... yeah not much. But I must admit, I had a rough week, and as I mentioned before I am an emotional eater.
Weight- 181 lbs.
Neck - 13ins.
Chest - 38 ins.
Waist - 36.5 ins.
Hips- 41ins.
Arms - 13ins.
Thighs - 22.5ins.
Now for the poor me... Depression has always been something i have struggled with since I was 13. It has never been consistant, I have been able to manage it with medication, and avoiding things I learn trigger it. But lately it just hits and I don't expect it so I don't have the warning signs to catch it with medication. And my medication is another issue, after YEARS on the same one that has ALWAYS worked, lately it makes me really sick to my stomach... so change it right? But I have no insurance at the moment... so do I deal with feeling sick to my stomach all day, or do I fight the depression on my own? I know since this is a post my experience with Freelife, someone will mention try the "jule" I have been. But the triggers are overwhelming sometimes. it has been almost 28 months since I lost my husband, silly reminders come up and hit completely unexpected, and I just miss him more than anything right now. I have grown a ton since he has been gone, and become very independent, I am proud of what I have accomplished on my own. But it sucks not being able to share it with either of my 2 biggest fans. I try the whole dating thing thinking I am ready... but if I am being honest with myself I am not. I feel like I am dating to force some time for me... I do not find time for me, or things I like to do unless I am obligated somehow with someone else. I miss being creative, scrapbooking, sewing for fun, decorating for holidays, dancing, I need to find a way to make time for things I want to do. I know I need to get through school, but I am so overwhelmed, I find myself falling further and further behind. I would love to become more involved in this company my sister has introduced me to, however it is my last priority being a single mom. I have obligations for the kids... Bren there is scouting (which is almost done) college apps, graduation, ballroom team, wrestling (which is nearly done), dance classes. My oldest daughter, dance company, babysitting, school, church, and now softball team. My next daughter has dance, debate, church, and my youngest I feel gets neglected, but he still has school, scouts, and dance. How do I keep up with all those schedule, and my work, and my school, and still have time for me? This past weekend, I spend every free minute in bed.... I slept, not becuase I was tired, but I knew depression was coming, I didn't want to face things I knew I needed to. Then there is the house. I am tired of not having time to clean it, I feel like I still have boxes to unpack and sort. I hate not being organized like I used to be. So really if I took time to get involved in this company and make money I could afford to pay someone to help clean, freeing up sometime. I struggle with whether or not it is worth it to be going to school... I know it is what I need, but maybe I just need to be realistic and take a little more time and break up my schedule... but then I think I would rather just be DONE with it, and be able to get a job and take a long break from school. I miss having someone I felt I could be completely honest with, and open up to about all this... so writing is the next best thing. Kris and my mom where the only people I ever felt I coule be completely 100% honest about my feelings, and myself with... and I even struggled with them... I Know I am never even completely honest with myself about my feelings... it has always been something I struggle with...
END RANT... next week I will keep to my weigh in updates.
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