Yeah Me!

After a crazy weekend I feel I have recovered well. I got the dining room painted and I the floor in it laid down. I now need paint and backing to finish up a couple more projects in there. I am then working on my rooms, I want to get our room settled downstairs and the kids decorated and settled in theirs. I got kids Dr.s app.'s handled and hubby even got some much needed rest.

I have even had time for some self reflection. There is always room for improvement in ones life... as this blog CLEARLY shows... and after a long weekend of ups and downs, I am hoping to end this week on a big high. Getting cleaning done and finishing up loose ends in my life.

Day 53... still going...

Depressed

So most of my close friends know I am prone to depression, especially when I have no where I HAVE to go and nothing I have to do. Now as we approach my vacation from dance and preschool, I can already feel myself slipping into that hole. I am making an appointment now for my happy pill pick me up, and I am trying to plan a party of some sort at my house to give a deadline to have it clean by. My kids are older now and are very self sufficient, so it is easy to justify staying in bed all day when they can take care of themselves. I am not on here for a poor me post. However I finally got out of bed and showered at 1:30 after just laying there in bed for so long.

I hate when I become that person. I even find myself embarrassed by it and try to hide I am slipping by putting on make-up and overdoing the dressing up thing. I think if I don't look like a depressed person I won't be called out on it, because when I am called out on it, I simply break down and cry... and I am a big enough boob already, I don't need to feel like I am showing yet more of my weaknesses.

So on to why I am bothering to post this on here. I need help. I am getting my prescription refilled, but I need to also get out of my house on occasion. Not being able to drive does NOT help that. So friends and loved ones... if you want to get out once in a while and want some company, would you give me a call?

I am just grateful that I can finally recognize when I am slipping, while I can't quite seem to just snap myself out of it when I feel it occurring, I have gotten to where I can see where I start slipping and try to catch myself before I get too deep. This has been going on since I was about 10 years old, so it has taken my a long time to get here, but I am grateful I have gotten to this point. And especially grateful I have friends I can count on to help.

Day 52... Thanks

Lame sauce

I have been pretty flaky on my blogs as of lately. You would think with it being summer I would be much more caught up with it, but nope. I think I have got too much stress going on, and this is too low on my priority list to keep up on it. I have too many stresses that as much as I enjoy simply writing, my posts turn into venting or worse... deleted letters to whom I am most upset with. (That is how I have coped for years, no one is hurt, and I get my feelings out) But I have been going to kickboxing once a week with a good friend, and I always feel amazing after... I can't wait til I can drive on my own and go when ever I want! I have managed to continue to NOT bite my nails despite the fact that I am no longer allowed to wear nail polish at work. My diet however has been worse than ever, junk food city here... I am so stressed I revert to my bad eating habits... not eat all day, then at night when I realize I am hungry eat way to much of something not at all healthy... like cookies or brownies. My house keeping has been mediocre at best. I have tried to get lots of deep cleaning done, but that seems to create more mess, and where I think I get to a point I can take a break or have to go to work, I come home and it is worse. WOW look at the size of this post, sorry to babble...

Here is the lamesauce part of the post... Why can I not go for any period of time with reasonable stress... why is it my life seems to be sooo complicated. I am sure it is much simpler than others stress... but I am really tired of it.

Day 52... tired

Sooo...

It is probable a good thing I did not have internet access for the last couple days... or this post would be seething with anger and venom... as it is, I am still a little unhappy, but NOTHING like the last couple days...

That being said here is my goal for the day (and YES I did finally get the dining room painted, finishing up the second coat today) I am going to be pleasant. Simple right? I am going to make my messy house pleasant... no whopping clean-ups, no major organizing, just pleasant to be in. Now don'['t get me wrong, I am still planning on my major overhaul, but I cannot bite off a big project and leave everyone else to suffer because I have to go to work. I think if I get it pleasant, I can then move from room to room accomplishing the major tasks without my hubby being frustrated by what seems to be neglected.

Day 51... Pleasantville

Specific Goal

I am posting exactly what I hope to accomplish today on here... we will see if I can get it done. It is currently 10:30am, I am posting this and a couple of other things online quickly then I am going to paint my dining room, and clean up in the basement room where we are carpeting. And I am going to encourage my son to finish up some homework. I am also going to go running and eat healthy... I will post on my progress before I go to bed... we will see if this works!

Day 50...Part 1

SO I went to paint the Dining room, and my hubby took the rollers and the paint brushes to work. I went down to clean up and the girls had gotten into some of the stuff, and spread it ALL out, so I told them to get it done.l Brenton got all his of one class done and is close to finishing another, my plan to walk to work fizzled because my sweet friend told me it is too hot to walk so I am going running after I post this, I ate pretty healthy except for the sno-cone and the choco marshmellow I ate at work. So not awful, but not good, right?

Day 50... Part 2