I have had numerous people tell me they are worried I am overdoing it, concerned I am going to break, wonder how I can keep everything up. Well I am not. I have crumbled. I am so tired and exhausted the only thing I can think about at work, at school, in the car is sleep. I come home and neglect everything to go to bed. I am behind on homework, my house is in remodeling disarray, and a mess, I dread going to one job, which I am obligated to go for benefits, I am so sad I am not working my job with my friends, I feel I need that time with her, and I am really missing it. I hate that I am so exhausted in my favourite job. I still love going, but I feel like I have no energy for it. I NEVER have a day off, there is always something. I love my kids, but I am hating them home all day, my messy house has hit disaster stage, and I needed my alone time to be able to vent, cry, have a quiet moment to myself. I feel guilty going to the cemetery alone because I know they want to go, but lately that seems like my only place of solitude. AHHHHHHHHHH I just want to scream I am done, and Stop everything... just for a little while until I am ready to catch up. I hate who I have became most of all. I am not a person who complains, I hate being a downer, I like to have happy chatter, not poor me, and I feel like that is all I am lately. I am so grateful for the help I have received from awesome friends, family and neighbors, but I hate asking for help. I like being independent, and I feel like if I need to ask I am not.
112... when can I be done?
Friday, June 10, 2011
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