With a new determination...

I have been dealing with things to the point I feel I am drowning in obligations... remodeling the house, school, work, kids, cleaning, kids activities, finances, etc.

This blog has NOT been filling the role I had hoped it would when I originally began it... motivation for myself (and encouragement from viewers via comments) to improve myself. Now I realize I had a HUGE blow with the passing of my hubby, but I need to step back and evaluate where I am at, and where I hope to be.

School/Work/etc.- Here I am very overstretched, I am not sleeping struggling to keep up in class, and make it to work (and this is the summer when I am not teaching).So in the fall I will no longer be teaching preschool, and will be quitting my extra job for benefits (I was able to qualify the kids and I have medical services available to me through school). I hope to be able to finish school in two years (by fall of 2013) and have a job teaching school, but still teaching dance.

House- I need to cut back on work in order to keep up on house work as well. I have done lots of remodeling, but there is still so much to be done. I am hoping by the time kids start school I have the house organized to be a positive learning, family environment. making it easier to complete one house project at a time (I took on too much at once this time around)

Kids/Family- While I think we are doing well and hanging in there... I have been able to keep up on most of their extra curricular stuff... there is so much room for improvement. We were all so overwhelmed their grades not only slipped, they fell, I need to work to get them back up. We have not eaten healthy in ages, and I need to have better food options for them. There are days I feel like they are screaming for attention... they are only receiving it from one parent now... I need to be there for all of it. While I am still having a hard time with religion right now, it was the church Kris and I wanted the kids raised in... so I need to make more of an effort to be there.

Myself-Here I feel there is lots of room for improvement. I have put on weight, I am not eating good, I feel gross all the time and tired. I need to deal a little better with my emotions, I need to take care of myself, stop biting my nails ( they are gross lately) I need time for me... if only to recharge.


Here is what I have realized about my huge goal list... It seems daunting, and you are not sure where to start. I was gripping to a neighbor about how disappointed in our lawn kris would be, but went on to say that I need the interior taken care of first though. Later in the same conversation, I broke down... I feel fat, and ugly and I don't feel like myself lately. SHe said to me very wisely I am like my house... while there are several things I want to fix... you can't worry about it until you have handled inside. How wise... so here I am, taking one thing form each to focus one.

School/work- I am in line to quit the one job, so do the best I can to keep up on school until then... there is an end in sight!

House- upstairs the started projects are nearing completion. Finish upstairs, clean it, then you can tackle the decorating one room at a time.

Family/kids- it is summer, let kids enjoy it. Sit down with bren to help him work on his packets (when I sit to do homework as well) Get organized for jobs before school so they can be expected to help.

Myself- get my sleep. if I am rested I will be able to take on other things much easier.

day 114... broken down