Venting...

I will probably hide this post further down and make it private until I post again... But I have to get some things off my chest...

I feel like I have been doing the best I can somedays, and overall I feel like I am doing pretty good! But then to have my in-laws, who granted they own the house, but of ALL the people who have lived here/rented since they moved out 14 years ago I personally put more into this house. But then they come 1 week a year and it happens to be the week I have finals. SO the house looks trashed because I keep kicking the kids out. it has also hit the hot weather time for Utah so our lawn looks a little dry. I admit I have forgotten a lot lately to turn on the water at night, but who are they to judge upon one visit what I am doing or not doing to their house? If they want to judge then they need to make more of an effort to come and expect it otherwise KEEP THEIR OPINIONS TO THEMSELVES!

Then after dealing with that (which by the way is after finals week as I mentioned and after the loss of a close family friend) I find that apparently my neighbors are having a problem with all the teenagers at my house, and in particular Brenton. I get some of the things I heard about, I ADDRESSED THEM, but they don't KNOW that because they went around my back to other neighbors and then my BIL to inform me. I feel their claims are without merit, Yes there are teens out late at my house, I prefer that to not knowing where they are, but I am close to the front and check on them continually, and make certain they are quiet after 10 on weekdays, and midnight on weekends, they are teens, and it is summer after all. If they have a sincere problem with that TELL ME! I will address their concerns, if they don't think I am parenting well talk to me. I am so angry that I am stuck to raise these kids alone without their father's influence, but I do feel he and I talked enough about how we raise them and what we want from them, I know what I am doing to a point. There is one week left before school, and I have told them that the late nights need to back off, so they can get back into the school schedule... But the vindictive part of me wants them to keep being up late daring them to call the cops!

I know I am far from perfect, but I have always felt I have really good kids overall. And I hate that since Kris passed I NEVER hear that, I only hear about what they are doing wrong. Were people just to afraid of Kris to confront him about it, or do they really think I am doing that poorly on my own? I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN!!! I have quit 2 of my jobs, and it scares me a little because I worry about insurance and benefits from the one, and that small additional income from the other. But I think it will be best because it will give me more time home with them.

I am certain that because of these recent accusations that there is a world of gossip surrounding me having Bren's friends stay with us for a while... but I know it is the right thing to do. They mellow each other out, Bren and the twins... always have. And had it been anyone else I would have not been able to do it, but I truly love these boys like my own, always have. It is helping them out, and I don't care what others opinion of it is. I am not dumb and I do take every precaution, I do not go to sleep until they are all asleep, in their own beds, and I don't sleep sound anyway so I am continually checking in on them. I know there are certain to be things I am not completely aware of being the parent of teenagers it is delusional to otherwise, but I do feel I have a pretty good grasp on where they all are at.

I guess the main point of this post is to say COME TO ME AND TELL IT TO MY FACE, OR BUTT OUT!

Day 117... REALLY!