But what? I am finding myself more and more overwhelmed lately. No time for anything that needs to be done. Between work and kids and all the busy paper work and house repairs needing to be done, I am mentally checking out most days. I HATE this about me. I was looking through old pictures and saw my kids younger. I was always the mom that made certain they looked cute, hair was done, bathed etc. Nowadays I am lucky if they get out of the house in a clean shirt.
I feel like there is so much that needs to be done, and I need to do, I can't give anything up yet. I know some people thing my kids are too busy and I should cut some of their things... but them keeping busy and active is what helps them cope best. I know with all my jobs, the idea of going back to school seems ludicrous, but I have a STRONG feeling about this. This is what will be best for us overall. It will be a career, similar hours to all of theirs, and it will give me something to stay busy when they are grown. SO for 2 years of working hard, I think the benefits will out way the sacrifice (I hope).
I love my jobs with my "family" and can't imagine giving those up completely EVER. Besides overall they do not take up too much time... in truth it is the kids schedules there that take up the time. My other job I know i will have to eventually give up... It is currently only paying for benefits, and while I am not receiving any paycheck from them now and I am surviving, I will be fine. But I need to stick it out until I verify I have benefits from medicaid.
I think what is stressing me is the housework, and paperwork. Stuff that needs to get done, but is is so consuming and overwhelming. I don't know where to start, and once I find a place and get going something else comes up, or one of the kids need to be somewhere, or someone stops by to "check" on me.
I can just feel myself shutting down somedays... Now don't get me wrong I do find time for myself, or get out with friends on an occasional evening... but then I feel guilty because I should have been doing something else, something more productive.
I feel so exhausted lately, and my head feels a constant throbbing. I know I am getting burned out, but I just don't know when to say NO or enough is enough... I think because I feel I can't yet.
Day 103... when is enough enough?
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