So here is my constant dilemma... do I continue with school, which I am consistently falling behind in, and never able to do my best because of my demands as a parent and provider, or do I step back from school, and focus on being a better parent, and maintaining the house better? The problem with both is that either way which ever I neglect will eventually catch up with me. If I focus on kids, before I know it they will be grown, and I will have no way to provide for myself. Or if I focus on school they will be grown and resent me for all the times I missed out.
I think what is really frustrating to me right now is the fact that my head is constantly hurting. I have grown accustomed to having a headache more often than not, but in the past 2 weeks, I have had to cope with migraines that make it nearly impossible to function. Waiting for medication to kick in so I can function at a minimal level. I cannot even read what I am typing at the moment because the glare from the screen hurts my eyes. If I turn my head my eyes water from the sudden pain. I have been to the Dr., and I am back on a couple different medications, but that stills puts me out of commission from working on homework that I need to get done. It makes me nervous to drive somewhere in case I get stranded until my migraine medicine kicks in.
Overall I am really tired of the constant struggle of being an alone parent, working and going to school. I am tired of finding out I am once again falling way short of a good parent for one of my children. My children deserve so much more than they are currently getting, and then I am being selfish in many ways, and keeping them with me when opportunities for them to visit family are available.
I am really tired of these struggles...
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