Money...

Not gonna lie, I hate it. I hate worrying about it, not having enough of it, coming up with it. Last year generous people helped me get to a point where I felt I was in a good position financially, sure I had a lot of crap to get through and overcome, but now a year later, when I thought I was good, I had my rent paid ahead for Christmas, and I been certain I had enough to pay the last major thing I needed to. Then I need to find somewhere else to live. Right before the holidays, so money I thought I had for kids and Christmas, and my last thing to pay with Kris's passing, now has to go to a deposit on a rental home.

I am trying my best to keep kids in the same area for school, and friends, and such. And trying really hard to find a neighborhood where we know people, so the kids and I aren't frequently explaining our loss, because that gets so tiring. But with that comes higher rent, and larger deposits. AHHHH...

So here is the plan. First I am going to go to my school financial aid and find out if it is too late to accept the student loans, for a couple of reasons. First of all my cost of living has greatly increased, and second, the pell grant no longer covers summer semester, and in order to stay on track to graduate, I need to go for summer. SO this will help offset some cost and pay for my summer education. If that is not available, I will have to wait until next year when I apply for grants and stuff to accept it. Secondly I need see what I need to do to ensure my kids remain at the same schools. I am not having them deal with losing their father, and moving and changing schools. My goal is to keep it as same as possible. I love my extra kids (twins) however I strongly feel they need their dad in their lives, and with this new change, the stable environment I had originally offered is falling apart.

Then once again I find myself worried about Christmas. I am so glad I took them all to Disneyland, and told them that was a huge part of CHristmas, but they still need something under the tree, and from Santa. Just worried about coming up with all these things at once. I would prefer to be able to spend CHristmas in our own place, and not have to worry about moving over the break. I just hope I can figure out something in the next week or so so I can do that, and enjoy Christmas.

Day 123... grrr... money