Ugh...

So lately I feel like not only am I overwhelmed by all that needs to be done, but I have no motivation either. That could be from several things. Stress, too busy, kids don't help like they should... the list could go on. But my gut feeling is a big part of it is I am slipping into my depression... so I am going to try my medication, so if you see me this next month, just check if I took it. Also if you have a day free and have nothing to do, give me a call... you can help in my mission for massive organization... I have a deadline now as I am trying to start school this summer semester. That is all for now. Thanks

Day 101... A pick me up

The PLAN

So here it is... My Plan.

I am now faced with raising 4 kids alone. So I feel like I need to have some things in my life put in order. So here it is, my plans laid out.

WORK/SCHOOL: I am currently working 3 jobs, I teach dance, preschool and work as a cashier in a restaurant. I have my AS in English and I am planning on finishing school for my teaching certificate. I am waiting for verification on which school I will be attending then depending on which I will start ASAP or summer semester. When I begin full time in summer I will need to drop my cashier job (which has been for insurance only anyway, and I will qualify for medicaid now) Then I will finish school in hopefully a year and a half. So then I will hopefully quickly get a job teaching... but will still continue teaching dance.

HOUSE: We are working on fixing it up a little at a time. But hopefully we can get it done rather quickly. Let me know if you have any housing repair expertise that you would be willing to share with us...
As far as cleaning and organizing goes to get it ready for repairs, I am hoping to take a couple days to just bust it out. I need to purge some of our junk so if you are making a trip to DI let me know... I may have some extra items you can drag along.

I know there were other "plans" I was going to mention... got kinda tired explaining everything repeatedly... but I can't recall them right now, I will edit this when I remember them.

Day 100... BIG PLANS

Dinner group...

Here is my latest goal... and it would be fun to have some help with it... Since hubby passed, my poor kids have been living on fast food... so my sister was trying to get ready for her new baby, and wanted to stock up on frozen food dinners, and she had a great cook book with recipes as well... as a great idea for a "group" where friends make a bunch of one meal and then the group gets together and trade, so then you have several different meals in the freezer, ready to go when needed.

So here is what I am hoping for... 6 to 12 friends, family, neighbors, etc. Who live near and would want to start a dinner share group. It would cut drastically on my fast food budget and get me cooking healthier for my family. It will help save time on busy night, and with 4 kids it is ALWAYS busy... let me know if you are interested... post a comment, or message me... I would love to get it going sometime this month, the sooner the better.

Day 99... dinner exchange group

Determined...

My eating habits while coping are NOT good... When I lost my mom, I wouldn't eat all day, then eat a whole pan of brownies alone... I would work out, but very sporadically... not enough to do me any good. With Kris, it has been the same... not eating, then binging.. occasionally working out, but nothing regular. I understand now it is even harder to fit in my workouts, with myself doing the work of two parents, but if I really want this, I will find time, right?

So here it is... I AM DONE eating crappy food that is not good for me. Now I know once in a while is okay AS LONG AS I am working out regularly. I find time to park my butt online each day... so I need to just find time to get to the gym.

I am determined to stick with this, I can not go on being so disgusted with out I look each day. So please offer any encourage you can if you see I am doing well. Thanks... I will post my triumphs on FB... here's hoping there are many...

Day 98... GO ME!

Inspired

One of my frequent goals on here is getting in shape... and I really do want to accomplish this, now more than ever. I have been making excuse after excuse, and I am finally getting to where life is slowing down, or at least getting into a routine, and I intend to be certain a workout needs to be a part of that.

A couple friends and I went to see Burlesque... I loved it, sure there were a few cheesy parts in it, but it was fun, and the costumes were so fun... I want to be able to get into something like that and feel good about myself.

So here it is, a year from today I intend to be drastically closer to that goal... looking good, in shape... no bulges or rippled in the wrong place. I know I can do this, I just need to act on that... wish me luck

Day 97... burlesque

Compliments

I have never taken compliments well, at all... not sure why, just never have. When we were first dating Kris would compliment me, how I looked, how I danced, something I did... and I would simply blow it off. Say "whatever" Laugh, make some dumb joke, etc. So shortly after we were married he finally started telling me after I got complimented and tried to blow it off, "Just say thank you". After a few years when I still would tend to blow it off he started complimenting me, and before I could blow it off, would make a joke, or some funny comment... taking away my chance to blow it off.

I have found myself blowing off compliments again, and saying whatever again... haven't said that for YEARS... Someone complimented me the other day and it reminded me of this. So my goal... "Just say Thank You"

Day 96... Thank You

School...

If I go full time, I only have a year and a half left to finish my teaching certificate in English (Now you know my majors, no judging me on typos, and grammar, and spelling, I am just impatient and hate going back). I was planning on getting everything in line to go back this winter quarter... and I could if I pushed it and tried... but after lots of thought I decided that I will go back Next quarter. That will give me time to get my house in order, and set up for returning to school and a life of more chaos than I am already in.

I need to make certain my kids are doing their best in school before I worry about mine. I need to get our house in order and livable, there is far too much clutter and disorder, and without me enforcing it stay that way, the kids don't bother either. If I can get it so everything is in it's place, and the kids know what is expected of them it will be a much easier transition into back to school. Also I need to find the time to fit in classes. I don't have enough time now to get simple chores accomplished, How can I hope to accomplish things if I am even more busy.

I am NOT simply putting it off. It will ultimately be the best thing for me and the kids, having a professional job, with days and hours matching the kids, with benefits available to me. I would be able to quick my extra insurance only job, but keep my teaching job I love...

Day 95... School on hold... Lots to catch up on...